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Amanda Loves Denis' Journal

26th May, 2002. 4:26 pm.(starofjupiter)

it's weird, i wasn't thinking about you at all today, then i turned the radio on and "safe and sound" came on. Turned the radio off. Put my mp3's on random and Arthur- To have and to hold came on.

I hate things being like this,.

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17th March, 2002. 8:26 am. If I could dedicate 10 songs to you...(starofjupiter)

[ 1 ] In your eyes, by Peter Gabriel
this is one of the sweetest songs in the world.

[ 2 ] With or without you, by U2

[ 3 ] Every breath you take, the version by Strung Out

[ 4 ] Canon in D Minor, by Pachelbel

[ 5 ] Walking after you, By Foo Fighters

[ 6 ] Everything I do, I do it for you, Bryan Adams
one of my favorite songs in the world

[ 7 ] To have and to hold, by Arthur

[ 8 ] Iris, Goo goo dolls

[ 9 ] We belong, Pat Benetar

[ 10 ] The ups and downs, Ozma

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24th October, 2001. 3:41 pm. Bah(starofjupiter)

I miss you, you're still at school or something. You need to get home soon and call me. I can't believe it's only been 10 days so far. It seems like a lot more than that.

Current mood: bored.

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15th September, 2001. 12:27 am.(starofjupiter)

I wish I could get through to you.

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11th August, 2001. 4:27 pm. *everybody loves a joke but no one likes a fool*(starofjupiter)

I kinda haven't noticed your absence yet. Though I know you're gone. It's just kind of weird like that. I hope you're having fun. I went to TGI fridays yesterday with a bunch of people from erin's play thing and I saw Dave's(from AMR) girlfriend working there. It made me think of you. well I should go get packing bye bye

Current mood: exhausted.

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9th August, 2001. 11:50 pm. Day one(starofjupiter)

I haven't missed you too much yet. You've only been gone a little while. I decided to listen to Our Lady Peace and they make me think about you soooooooooooooooo much. I would have never listened to 'em if it wasn't for you. I guess that's another reason why I love you so much. Anyways I hope you're having fun in Maine with Wesley.

Current mood: calm.

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9th August, 2001. 12:10 am. Sigh...(starofjupiter)

a week without you...let's see if you miss me at all. I promise you I will miss you. I'm sappy like that.

Current mood: restless.

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28th July, 2001. 12:43 pm. I'm afraid(starofjupiter)

I'm scared out of my mind. i'm so close to losing you, you don't even know. Sometimes I seriously wonder how I'm going to live without you. You were everything I had. But you took that away from me and now I have to live with the people who laugh at me and told me they knew this would happen all along. I told you I would call you at 12 and now it's almost 1 and you're not answering your phone. Avoiding me. Not doing what you have to do. I just want this to be over. If we're going to end it, let's just end it. but if we do end it....I want to be removed from your life completely. I don't want one trace of me to reflect on your soul. I want it to be like I died. Only you don't mourn for me. You just look forward.
I don't want to do that. But for you, I would. For you I'd do anything. Because I love you. Not because I'm obsessed with you. This isn't an obsession though at times I wonder if it is. It's just a girl asking a boy why he doesn't love her anymore. Why she stopped existing in his mind. you're right. I am driving myself crazy. I just wish I knew what to do with myself.

Current mood: dead.

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19th July, 2001. 6:53 pm. <3(starofjupiter)

I love how you can make me smile on a terrible day.

Current mood: loved.

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19th July, 2001. 4:24 pm. Why(starofjupiter)

I think a lot of people wonder why I've stayed with Denis for so long. Through all of his ignorances, his other girlfriends, everything. And the short and very long reason why I've stayed with him is this...

I want to know more about him. He intrigues me more than anyone I know. I look at him and find myself questioning all his motives. Why does he do the things he does? What makes him tick...what does he think when he looks into my eyes as deeply as he does? Does he love me even half as much as I love him? What inspires him?

These are questions that I'm willing to get to the bottom of. That's why I'm dating him. I love him. I just worry sometimes that I'm trying too hard. I'm slowly learning that love is not always pretty. It's not always fairy-tale perfect. Sometimes it just stinks. But it's worth it. Anyways I'm rambling and if Denis ever reads this...he'll freak out.

Current mood: pleased.

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